Can't Look Me In The Eyes II

Back to searching for comfortable shores.

REALIZATIONS II:

This is just a bit of an addition, but I didn't want to put it with yesterday's post because the tone is somewhat different, as yesterday's tone was full of disappointment, realization, and some sadness.

But today feels different. To truly mentally realize that you've let someone go who severely hurt you is rather liberating. It is like getting out of an abusive relationship, getting a heavy burden off your shoulders, or revealing a secret that has torn you apart.

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To truly mentally realize that you've let someone go who cared more about their wellbeing than yours, despite you sacrificing yours for theirs, is enlightening. It's like finally seeing someone for who they really are, not how you saw them before. Was the sacrifice wasted, or did you take the moral high ground? Will you see him or her again, would you even want to?

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To truly mentally realize that you've let someone go who couldn't really look you in your tearful, unwavering eyes, and spoke fallacious words to your face says volumes. It's like putting the key in the door and locking it, like closing the note-in-a bottle and letting it float off to sea, like finishing a last entry to a diary and capping the pen.

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It's not "moving on" from a situation, it's letting go of an aspect,

though that does not mean anything is forgiven or forgotten.

Or that the story is over and untold.

Or that things are completely okay, or that you've given up.

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If anything,

it's just understanding that who you saw wasn't who it was,

and you realize that now. 

Perhaps, in time, such could be discussed more seriously under different circumstances.

Forgiveness? Acceptance? Tolerance? Pity?

Apology?

It is sad to let go of someone you actually cared about based upon past,

but it's difficult to care about someone who obviously doesn't care about you, and hasn't for a while.

Why waste the time or the energy?

"It's like cradling scorpions," someone once said.

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Truth will always be revealed, in one way or another - at some time or another.

"Lies have speed, but truth has endurance."

I stand for truth.

And I also stand for compassion.

 

But I also never forget the reasoning why I cared about someone in the first place.

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This is my final xxjessicaSays blog post, as this, in a sense, is closing the book of blog posts that began as fun and ended as what several know it did.

Thank you to ALL my readers and commenters. I appreciate your efforts of reading my thoughts.

Thank you to everyone who has supported my efforts, actions, and perspective this entire time, too.

 

And, as can be a PR opp, please continue to check out my "Jessica Anastasia" website that features more information about me and my programmatic music, creative writings, and arts.

Until next I write and next you read,

ta.

~xxj