I've decided that I've written all that I've needed or wanted to write at this present point in time, as many of my recent blog posts have stated a lot, especially about me as a person, which is something I don't generally do on the internet (even on my personal Facebook account). I suppose everything on here really says something about me, but I don't have the need nor want at the moment to elaborate any more than I already have.
If I choose to delete this blog in time, I just want those who have been regulars on here (regardless if you left a comment on here, on my Facebook, or spoke to me in person) to know that I appreciate all of your efforts for checking out this blog and giving me your opinion in some way. I hope this has been something worth reading.
Till next I write and next you read,
or perhaps this is our bittersweet adieu between writer and reader,
thanks to those who have read my words.
And be true to yourself, as I am to myself.
~xxj
"The Grand Finale" from "Edward Scissorhands" by Danny Elfman♥
(one of my most favorite film compositions and composers; 1:55 slays me every time)
More on Danny Elfman and his amazing compositions here.
More on me as a composer of music and literature, artist, and photographer here.
(I need a certain number count per month)
All right, it's a little bit later, but I'm now on a Danny Elfman rush. Here are some of my other favorite compositions of his, obviously generally from Tim Burton films.
While chilling with a friend yesterday, we somehow got on the topic of our classes together during the recently ended semester at university and the fact that when I doodle in classes out of boredom or for no reason, I draw eyes and then half faces, sometimes full faces. I randomly asked her if she thought that meant anything, as she tends to draw mazes (that generally do not have actual endings haha...) or very artistic angular designs. So we decided to look it up on some computers and we found that the results were very interesting.
One of the main reasons why it is psychologically believed that people draw eyes randomly or instinctively is because they value
TRUTH,
as eyes are the doors to the truth, what we perceive to be truth, and what others perceive to be truth.
Drawing half faces, I believe, after drawing a single eye, can be said to show the discomfort of the fact that no human being is ever entirely truthful, as we are human, after all.
And it made me think:
One of the things I value most is truth, as that is a major component of trust and reliability in human nature and what I look for in people, as I don't just trust anyone (don't get me started on "group projects").
So why do people choose to lie to me or about me or about someone else, even if I know the truth, we both know the truth, or everyone knows the truth? Why is this so common and silently acceptable in society?
Also, something to note is that this blog post is not about anyone particular person at all. It is simply about my convictions with lies, truth, and forgiveness (I don't want anyone to feel guilty or anything here, okay?), all starting after reading some stuff on the internet yesterday with my friend.
Awesome chalk artwork my friend and I did on her birthday
"It boils down to the shifting sands of the self and trying to lookgood both to ourselves and others, experts say.
'It's tied in with self-esteem,'
says University of Massachusetts psychologist Robert Feldman. "We find
that as soon as people feel that their self-esteem is threatened, they
immediately begin to lie at higher levels."
Not all lies are harmful. In fact, sometimes lying is the best approach
for protecting privacy and ourselves and others from malice, some
researchers say. Some deception, such as boasting and lies in the name
of tact and politeness, can be classified as less than serious. But
bald-faced lies (whether they involve leaving out the truth or putting
in something false), are harmful, as they corrode trust and intimacy—the
glue of society."
The seemingly corrupted human condition is that even though we all may appear to be horrible creatures, we are not. As a species, we have crafted this technique of understanding our thought processes as we need to find a way to protect ourselves from condemnation from all. Sadly, even though it can negatively and drastically have a dramatic effect on others' lives, "denial, evasion, and lying" have become unavoidable features of human behavior. We are all fundamentally not bad creatures, as I somehow remember learning in Philosophy at 8 in the morning one semester. Still, because of all that encompasses human behavior, we remain the most destructive and malicious force our world has ever sadly or happily known.
As I stated, remaining true to what I perceive as being true is one of my very strong convictions. I stand and fight for what I believe to be true, as it is something I have always valued in others whom I have grown to respect and trust, as I give the same in return. This is obviously a conviction of mine that is linked to the concept of humanity, as I've been looking into different aspects of that lately.
But many people I know whom I have trusted before have lied to me. However, this is where yet another conviction of mine comes in: I attempt to see through all perspectives (which is why most of my friends turn to me to look for advice on how to handle a situation...also relationship advice, which is always interesting as I am not an expert in that field by any means) and be able to forgive. I generally have no patience for those who lie to me, cross my convictions, or harm me in any way. Though it may sound cruel, it is very easy for me to drop others' existences and move on with my life. But I have found that I am very forgiving to some, as I am still friends with those who have lied to me, even if these were blatant lies that scarred me and still hurt to think about. However, not everyone in my eyes can receive a second chance, or a third chance, or a fourth chance, or a thousandth chance (that'd be some mega forgiving). If you are one of those people whom I give these chances to, then I truly value you as a person despite the fact that you have lied. If there is also a strong foundation of trust prior to the lying, then that is always taken into account, of course. Also, some conflicts between friends or people can occasionally make their friendship or bond or whatever even stronger, as it does take a lot to forgive someone. I have always appreciated it when I have been forgiven for my actions if I unintentionally misstep my convictions, as well.
As I do my best to stick to my convictions and practice them thoroughly, I do my best to never say a lie to anyone, as I hate being lied to and have been lied to many times in the past (this is also why people don't like the fact that I am straightforward). I have always stated what I believe to be true, even if ends up not being true and then I try to make amends and share my perspective - which generally does not do me much good, but at least I try.
And I do draw some pretty damn good eyes.
ALSO, whenever I can get the chance to share with everyone some of the amazing music played in "The Vampire Diaries," I shall. And this song pertains SO much to this topic. It's also rather sad. Actually very depressing, so I'll put a photo of a happy kitten below the awesome video that people should watch.
"I Need To Know" by Kris Allen
D'awww, aren't you happy again now? I know I am. Image Source
END OF THE MASQUERADE : I sincerely believe that time will always reveal liars' lies in one way or another. Especially if those liars don't show their remorse or apologize, if they can even feel that as it takes a lot of heartlessness to lie. I'm sure even liars, too, have hearts, though. Maybe? 'Tis just another aspect of my beliefs in regards to this genre. (And I love [Venetian] masks and masquerades, obv.)
Why do you think it's easier for some people to lie more than others?
Is it easy for you to drop the existences of others if they have hurt you (I always find the answers to this one very interesting, especially for people like me)?
Did you know that people under the age of thirteen are prohibited from having a Facebook account? So how many people do you know created pages for their children that either their children run or they run? Heck, even babies have their own Facebook accounts, as shown above.
"Of the 20 million minors who actively used Facebook in the past year, 7.5 million—or more than one-third—were younger than
13 and not supposed to be able to use the site.
Among young users, more than 5 million were 10 and under, and their accounts were largely unsupervised by their parents.
One million children were harassed, threatened, or subjected to other forms of cyberbullying on the site in the past year
I do not have children, however, I have a number of both friends on Facebook and in R/L who have children and their profile pictures are sometimes just a picture of their child. You tend to see this more in my generation who have children, as social media has been a large part of our lives. (remember those Myspace and Xanga days? Or how about MyLife, Blogster, or Friendster? There are so many more, too.)
My opinion is to not have your profile picture set as just your child, at least include yourself. A professor and I actually spoke of this one day while talking about our Facebook friends and we both feel that your profile picture should be something of you, not just your kid/kids. It was actually a very funny conversation. I generally try to keep my profile pictures as "shadowed" as possible because I don't really need people looking at a picture of me, but to have a picture of your kid there seems kind of wrong, especially since everyone can see a profile picture, regardless of privacy settings. I have no problem with those who have albums on their accounts of their children, that's totally cool (though I think one should have privacy settings on their albums so creepers can't get access to photos of their children). But I definitely have a problem with people who make Facebook (or whatever) accounts of their infants/toddlers/children. I mean, I'd be pretty pissed if in 10 years or more (ha yeah like there won't be a new media outlet) I looked at posts my parents posted when I was 2 and they exclaimed triumph of not falling out of my new bed or something, though I never typed that when I was 2. Talk about setting your kids up for hating you. They'll do that anyway at some point, so I'd suggest to wait until they're old enough to use a social media outlet responsibly.
But hey, who am I to suggest this stuff, huh? I don't have children.
So here's a legit recommendation from this website:
"For Parents:
If
your preteenager uses Facebook, delete the account or ask Facebook to
by using its "report an underage child" form. For
children 13 and older, monitor activities by
joining their circle of Facebook friends. If that's not feasible with an
older
teenager, keep tabs on them through their
friends or siblings, as did 18 percent of parents we surveyed who had
13- to 17-year-olds
on Facebook.
Get to know the technology. "Use Facebook yourself, so you're savvy about the privacy issues," says Denise Terry, chief "safety
mom" at SafetyWeb, an Internet-monitoring service for parents."
Did you know that around 56% of undergrads drop out of college, even those just short of obtaining their degrees? And did you know that American students are the least happy and this statistic is getting worse? And did you know that about 17 million graduates have careers they never needed their BA's for?
I will not disclose whether or not I have ever wanted to drop out, do want to drop out, or will want to drop out because that is personal and such information should not be disclosed publicly, so sorry if you were looking for something here. However, I wondered what were students' reasons for leaving higher education, as I know it happens and I know those whom have left higher education.
I also want to note that I do not shame those who choose to drop out of college. I know many people whom have dropped out and are very happy in their lives, even if it's being a cashier at Starbucks, which they make fun of all the time. Sadly, I cannot do retail as a living (ask my Weis co-workers/co-cashier-ers).
I would rather jump off a bridge.
Secret for you all that I've tried to keep buried:
Yes, say hello to my nickname from middle school years in NJ:
"Hermione"
from J. K. Rowling's popular children's series "Harry Potter."
And this is movies 1-2 Hermione, not the Hollywood-ized "blonde bombshell" version that started around movies 3/4 (but we're not going to get into how the character of Hermione was butchered in the films because I can write thousands upon thousands of pages on it.)
First year movie-Hermione, before they and the actress chose beauty over brains. I was never this obnoxious though.
But anyway, yes, I was a bookworm, a nerd, a shy student (and high-scorer in middle school field hockey, bam!) - and the teachers loved me. I spent hours in the library reading everything I could, especially on all types of living creatures - minus insects - which was my current interest at the time (little did I know that I'd forever suck at sciences). If anyone was looking for me, I'd either be in the library or the art room. I loved reading. I loved doing homework. I loved writing. I loved art. I loved the piano. I loved education.
And it helps that so many in my family are educators. Both my parents are retired educators, my wonderful aunt is the dean of education at her university in NZ, and there are so many others that I can't recall the names of at the moment who are also educators. We obviously know a number of other educators, as well, who are not considered family, but were back in day. Basically, I am an educator's daughter, niece, and cousin. Surrounded by them for nearly my entire childhood and still surrounded by them, though in a different sense.
However, I am not the same as I was in middle school, as things changed when moving to dearest PA (sense anything there?). I found that this once very strong adoration for learning tends to change a lot as time goes on wherever I go and whatever I go through. I cannot say if this is a good or bad thing.
DO NOTE:
I'm still extremely pleased with how I turned out, though, even though my personality (and style) are nearly completely different than they were when I was younger. Extremely pleased. Especially with the style part (dear god, the clothing my mother bought me...).
Here's the big question, though I'm sure a number of people know some of the reasons why so many college students drop out. You don't even have to look up some of these reasons. Tada:
Money issues/burden of debt
Not being prepared for the rigors of academic work
Inability to cope with the competing demands of study/lack of work ethic
Struggle to balance a part-time job with academics
Struggle to balance raising a child with academics (and/or part-time job)
Not knowing what they want to do and fearing their degree may not help them
ECONOMY
Having no direction or not being given any direction
Finding passions elsewhere that don't require a degree
Not feeling welcomed or academically embraced at and by their colleges and its departments, though not wanting to switch to a different department
Family issues
Getting caught in the lifestyle of partying and alcohol drinking (and other substances)
Choosing to join the workforce
Heartache of a breakup or something like that (aw, I didn't think of that one)
Homesickness
Failing courses or failing out of college
Inability to receive financial aid
Academic interests killed due to issues, personal or school-related
THE SAD TRUTH :
Not only are all of these factors burdening college students into dropping out
of college, there is also no guarantee that even WITH an undergraduate
college degree, one will get a job, thanks to our economy. Yes, with
this degree, one will have more job options and a higher chance of employment, but it is now sadly becoming more common for a graduate to need to further their education to get the
job they may want...or don't want, but need. And that's a lot of money.
Ever since my mother would bring my brother and I into her middle school during days that our school had off and he and I would chill in the teachers' lounge and listen to teachers complain about so-and-so or talk about grading or their personal lives, I have had respect for them, never mind the fact that my parents were teacehrs, as well. Being "behind-the-curtains" so to speak was very interesting as I grew up. You got to see the real sides of teachers, hear their stories, know that they are more than just robotic creature spouting out facts. It wasn't weird for me to see a teacher at a grocery store, in fact, my kindergarten teacher would let me hang out at her house and play with her cats and draw and stuff. Ever since a young age, I have had respect for educators and no matter what ever happens, I will always have respect for educators based on their profession, even if only that (and I've had some pretty bad teachers, as everyone has...don't get me started on my high school). And that's my truth.
As people are probably being able to figure out by now (or already know because they know me), I stand strongly by my convictions. I have also been looking into different aspects of "humanity" lately, as people have been constantly reminding me that I am human and it is okay to be human. But let's focus on something that personally heavily crosses me, as I'm sure rings true with others (and I'm sure this is an aspect of humanity that I don't think I can let go of easily, though, the next option would be to stop caring or trying):
When my efforts are unappreciated, diminished, or put to the waste-side.
I don't know how familiar you, the reader, may be with the popular British television series "Dr. Who," but there is one episode that truly spoke to me and absolutely slaughtered my heart. I literally cried at the end (and my friend made fun of me - I'll miss our "Dr. Who" nights!).
This particular episode was about how the main characters, Amy and The Doctor, tried to save Vincent Van Gogh from committing suicide because of his inner demons, illustrated as an actual monster in the episode.
They also tried to show and prove to him that his magnificent paintings were truly beautiful and that they would someday be appreciated by the entire world. Obviously, this show is fiction, but the message is still wonderful (and worth sharing) and they try to keep as true to the actual historic storyline as possible. Obviously, despite all of their efforts and all of Van Gogh's efforts to convince himself that his efforts are and will be truly appreciated, he still commits suicide. In life, he truly never felt as though anyone appreciated his artwork. In the episode, he only felt as though Amy and The Doctor appreciated his artwork.
Below is a video full of clips with the background music "Chances" by Athlete. I couldn't find the actual ending with this song playing (heartbreaking), but this is good enough, if not better.
I suggest watching the episode, even if you aren't a fan of "Dr. Who." This was the second episode I've ever watched and I instantly adored it.
"Vincent van Gogh, for whom color was the chief symbol of expression, was born in Groot-Zundert, Holland on March 30, 1853.
The son of a pastor, brought
up in a religious and cultured atmosphere, Vincent was highly emotional
and lacked self-confidence. Between 1860 and 1880, when he
finally decided to become an artist, van Gogh had had two unsuitable and
unhappy romances and had worked unsuccessfully as a clerk
in a bookstore, an art salesman, and a preacher in the Borinage (a
dreary mining district in Belgium), where he was dismissed for
overzealousness.
He remained in Belgium to study art, determined to give happiness by
creating beauty. The works of his early Dutch
period are somber-toned, sharply lit, genre paintings of which the most
famous is "The Potato Eaters" (1885). In that year van Gogh went
to Antwerp where he discovered the works of Rubens and
purchased many Japanese prints.
In 1886 he went to Paris to join his brother Théo, the manager of
Goupil's gallery. In Paris, van Gogh studied with Cormon, inevitably met
Pissarro, Monet, and Gauguin,
and began to lighten his very dark palette and to paint in the short
brushstrokes of the Impressionists. His nervous temperament made him a
difficult companion and night-long discussions combined with painting
all day undermined his health. He decided to go south to Arles where he
hoped his friends would join him and help found a school of art. Gauguin
did join him but with disastrous results. Near the end of 1888, an
incident led Gauguin to ultimately leave Arles. Van Gogh pursued him
with an open razor, was stopped by Gauguin, but ended up cutting a
portion of his own ear lobe off. Van Gogh then began to alternate
between fits of madness and lucidity and was sent to the asylum in
Saint-Remy for treatment.
In May of 1890, he seemed much better and went to live in
Auvers-sur-Oise under the watchful eye of Dr. Gachet. Two months later
he was dead, having shot himself "for the good of all." During his brief
career he had sold one painting. Van Gogh's finest works were produced
in less than three years in a technique that grew more and more
impassioned in brushstroke, in symbolic and intense color, in surface
tension, and in the movement and vibration of form and line. Van Gogh's
inimitable fusion of form and content is powerful; dramatic, lyrically
rhythmic, imaginative, and emotional, for the artist was completely
absorbed in the effort to explain either his struggle against madness or
his comprehension of the spiritual essence of man and nature."
(I personally do not believe he killed himself. Just do some research on the topic.)
I know this entire thing is really a "Jessica Says" post, but I really want to emphasize the fact that I do my best to never diminish someone else's efforts and I hate it when I accidentally do. I cannot stand crossing my own convictions, let alone someone saying that I have, even if I haven't. If I have, however, I do own up to it and watch these convictions become even stronger. And if I haven't, it's far more detrimental than unappreciated efforts.
Anywho, I believe that no one should ever diminish or throw away someone else's efforts. I don't think people realize how truly detrimental that can be to the well-being of people. Imagine working so hard at something and then suddenly all of your efforts mean absolutely nothing. It's devastatingly heartbreaking.
And sometimes people, like Van Gogh, do take it to heart. And then their heart stops beating.
I think people should be careful with others' well-beings and everything that encompasses them. I know that I prefer things very straightforward, as I do, but it doesn't mean that things I don't hurt when the things I do go unappreciated, belittled, or casted aside like they never even mattered in the first place.
Thank you to those who have always reassured me that my efforts are appreciated, though. I am truly grateful for that reassurance.
For privacy reasons to protect my personal life (as well as others), I will not disclose anything extremely personal about my experiences with alcohol in the past or present. Instead, I am going to focus on those I care about who suffer or have suffered from alcoholism. Through many conversations with these people I care about and from my own experiences, we've found that there are many, many wrong things that people tend to say to those who struggle or have struggled with using alcohol as more than a "partying" means (I did a blog post about this cruel concept that you can see below). And do we believe that fair to [general] them? I do not believe so, and neither do they. As stated by one of my friends while talking to him about how he once depended on alcohol to lessen the stress and sadness in their personal life (after what someone insultingly stated one day to him):
"You should never call someone an alcoholic if they are still struggling. And you should never EVER call someone an alcoholic if they are definitely no longer one, but obviously had past issues with alcoholism. Talk about a mental tizzy and a stab to the heart."
This person shall remain anonymous for obvious reasons. I'm not that cruel to disclose names here.
But this friend had a very good point. I could never say something like that to anyone, regardless of my own experiences with alcohol.
***And something else to note:***
You never know WHO may have struggled with alcohol or is struggling with alcohol. Just like you never know who may be struggling or have struggled with bulimia or cutting or bruising or drugs or whatever else. I believe it's best for people to just not judge because one may end up doing far more harm than good, even if it's completely unintentional. The world would be a much better place if people chose to embrace people instead of label them. (ooo I hate labels)
As I posted in my "Can People Please Cool It With The Butterbeer Puns?" blog post from February 7, 2012 about actor Daniel Radcliffe's struggle with alcoholism because of his addictive personality, it's not a very kind thing to make fun of someone for feeling as though alcohol is their "turn-to" means of finding solace. As stated in that post, he no longer resorts to such means, has a loving girlfriend, obviously a TON of money, and has been alcohol-free for a very long time. I have a great deal of respect for him for stepping forward and bringing light to a situation he went through so others may not go through it either (oh the power of celebrity and role model-ism).
Help my friends who are struggling or still struggling, though I know I've helped a few. Try to show them that they can talk out their problems with me, even if they think my words are mud. Or they may not be. But I'm happy to state that I have generally been my group of friends' DW - meaning "Designated Walker" for a WHILE now. And I don't mind that at all. I'd rather my friends be safe than lying on their backs in the sewers or something. Or seeing some interesting photographs on social media (*cue regrets*). And it's one thing to go to the local bar than it is to drink alone in a darkened room for reasons other than chillaxin' reasons. Or at least, I believe so. Perhaps I am wrong there. I don't know, this is a blog, these are all of my opinions!
As one of my friends says (based off of "My Drunk Kitchen" - inside joke opportunity!): let's be real for a moment: Regardless of what I've personally gone through with alcohol whether it be good or bad, yes, I do enjoy an alcoholic beverage from time to time. I am 21, after all and have been since February 28th. I'd like to suggest that people should be careful (especially if heredity plays a factor), though however much one wants to drink is their business. I will, however, do my best to ensure that anyone I drink with drinks reasonably to their heart's content. And if they over-drink, then I will remain with them until they've sobered up. That's just how it goes for me. And I don't mind.
And no judgement or shade casted onto those who use alcohol for whatever means. I cannot judge you. I can only wish for your safety and allow you to know that I am always available to talk to (preferably not in a blog post comment, but if I know you personally, feel free to text or FB p/m me. If I do not now you personally - since I am expanding the audience this blog reaches - feel free to p/m me on my Facebook Page or Twitter Account).
Dedicated to all of you who are suffering or have suffered from alcoholism.
My thoughts are with you.
And be safe!
xx
(Where was THIS for my neon-themed newsletter?) Image Source
TO THE READERS :
Have you ever accidentally insulted someone with a past issue (of something) without knowing it, but later finding out you insulted them?
What do you think these sorts of slips do mentally to someone?
No need for an Image Source caption! Tis a bad webcam photo of me, obviously!
THANK YOU :
I don’t even know where to begin, but I
definitely know that I sadly cannot begin to express the insanely grand amount of gratitude I
have for you for always constantly and willingly being there to support me and read my emails, from
high school to now - and as you know, most of them are not full of rainbows and ponies - even though you are physically 30 hours away from me (living in the most beautiful country on the planet). I’m
pretty sure that’s how long it would take to get there, right? Anyway, it has always been so
amazing that you’ve always responded to them even though I know how incredibly busy you
are with all of the many, MANY things happening in your life, personal and
career-wise. Seriously, like I’ve said many times before, I don’t know how you
do it. I’d go absolutely insane! But good on ya!
I appreciate your awesome
amount of support with everything, even though I still feel as though I still and have yet to be able
to express how much I appreciate everything you've done for me - especially with all that has been happening in
my collegiate life, from Move-In Day freshman year, to everything this past semester. You’ve been SO awesome to read (as recently
calculated) 100,323 words of this past semester's ~15-part email thread. 12 point
font, Times New Roman, single space, as well. Nearly almost as much as one would need
for the beginning of their PhD. Almost enough for a novel! Literally!...though it has been months' worth of writing (just trying to not sound conceited here).
Regardless, that is a LOT to read and you always
did and you always responded with your honest opinions and suggestions, which I
am so grateful for. It is so wonderful to know that you supported, support, and
will support my decisions, emotions, and well-being as a relative, student, writer, and human being, regardless of what the situation may be.
Thank you so incredibly much. So so so so so so so much. I know a blog post
isn’t much and that my other originally poetic idea was much more awesome, but I just wanted to publicly thank you here, for any and all to see.
You are an amazing, supportive, and
kind person - and honestly one of the select few in my “family” that I truly consider
family.
~
Much love, as always,
jess
Penguin chick is happy to have you in her life Image Source
Cue the creepy perfect house background music Image Source
WHY THIS IS ON MY MIND :
My brother and I recently went food shopping at the nearest grocery store for me since I have moved out of my college dorm and now am back at my parents' house. We left our perfect-looking house in the perfect-looking bubble/housing development with the perfect-looking families walking up and down the sidewalks, kids, dogs, parents, and all. I tend to keep my blinds closed at my parents' house because the view bothers me. At the grocery store, everywhere I turned there was a mother holding her child's hand, a father talking to his daughter in the child seat of the cart, children and parents everywhere. They probably live in these little perfect bubbles with their 9-5 jobs, steady income, pretty marriage bands, non-dysfunctional families, and happiness.
But that's just boring.
And typical
.
The American dream right there for you, guys. Doesn't everyone just want that?
How do people happily strive for this progression in life? Be born, go to school, then college, then get a job, then marriage, then kids, retirement, and ta da, death! I know that there are many things that happen in between, but why do people so readily strive to settle down or follow this beaten-down path countless have sauntered down before? I actually considered dropping out of college for a while to go pursue something not on this progression because it's something I wanted to do. Something different. I know many people around my age (21) who already have children and spouses/fiances. Have people really given up on finding another "American dream" or are people just willing to settle down with the very old-fashioned American dream? I personally don't follow any "dream," I just live my own and see where it takes me (though it is still heavily constricted at the moment with still living at my parents' house). And it'll always be an in-progress sort of thing until I die because well, you can't dream if you're dead.
But really, I mean, okay, if you want to settle down early in life, all right. That's your decision. But I'm not planning on doing that or if I do, I won't do it in such a....creepily "perfect-family/house/whatever" sort of way. I like to be different than others and live my life differently than others. I believe I do, as well. I'm sure my friends can reassure you that I am not the typical female college student.
But anyway, you probably think I'm just being pessimistic or defiant, right?
Though I don't entirely believe in marriage, if I find someone someday and that would make him happy and I begin to admire that idea, then I'd obviously do my best to make him happy; I'm chill with a "long-term" label, though I don't really like labels. Though I don't entirely want children (cue shutter), if my opinions entirely change one day about this with someone I love (why am I talking about this stuff? What's happening to me? Friggin humanity, silence yourself for a bit...another shout out to some awesome people on this blog post here), then it'd be an option. Though I don't entirely believe in the "perfect house," ... nah, I think that's one that I really don't want to happen. You can live in a perfect house without living in a housing development where everywhere you turn are all of these similar, perfect houses. Ick. I'll skip on that. But a house could be nice...though my eyes are currently set on apartments or something. I'd love a mansion with secret passage ways and a swimming-pool-like underground system of tube-like passage ways to get from one area to another. That'd be so cool. Or creepy. It'd also be cool to have themed rooms...like one could be a pirate room and have a legit pirate ship in it that sways in the water. Another could be a forest with a ceiling that had actual constellations. How awesome would that be? It'd be a lot of cleaning, though. Wow rambling...anyway...
I don't know. Maybe I'm weird. But I don't like doing things the way everyone else does things. When my BlackBerry Curve died, I replaced it with an iPhone because BBs are apparently dying. The very last day I had to switch my phone for something else, I did, and I chose the new BlackBerry Bold. I hated the iPhone for many reasons, but I really hated being a part of some cult. EVERYONE HAS AN IPHONE and why? Most I know complain about them.
So I hope people aren't offended. If you want to live this "perfect life" that we've all been spoon-fed to believe is actually perfect and will make you the happiest person on the planet, then feel free. But I don't follow any guidelines. I do what I do and I don't care if someone has a problem with what I do. I break and will continue to break societal norms because that's just how I am. I'm stubborn and different and proud of those things, even if they get me into trouble. I think people should try to stop worrying about trying to be like everyone else and just be themselves, though I know some groups are working on allowing their own lifestyles to be acceptable in society.
I really believe there is so much more out there than people even care to see or want to see in their lifetimes.
I wonder if this will be the last blog post for a while. Hm.
ONE OF THE MAIN THINGS PEOPLE HAVE BEEN TELLING ME MOST WHILST I'M UNWILLINGLY IN TEARS IN FRONT OF THEM:
"It's okay to be human."
or
"You're only human."
Anyone who truly knows me knows that though I don't really watch too much television, I still watch "The Vampire Diaries" because it incorporates a lot of different things I find entertaining or intriguing in its writing and screen visuals (and it seriously has the best music on any show I've ever watched) - and this theme is humanity, something I personally embrace and brush away - it's a love-hate relationship. Though I will not deny that this third season is nearly pure fan fiction...which needs to stop...the writers still fully incorporate this theme into its writing and generally, the cast does a wonderful job of portraying this theme. And the music really helps, too. I'm not saying that anyone should or shouldn't embrace their humanity, but I think it has become an exceedingly interesting topic to me lately, though I am uncertain how I'll feel if that interest goes away.
Anyway, I understand TVD is just a show, but I think people should watch it for the many things it embodies. It's not just another ~vampire show, thankfully. Otherwise I would not be watching it. Besides, isn't Hollywood now on the "remake of fairytale classics" train? Yawn.
Here's the final scene to the Season 3 Episode 22 "The Departed" Finale...riddled with humanity, emotion, death - the usual for a good TVD episode. Quite a beautifully-done scene. Tear-worthy, I'd say..oh, and don't watch it if you haven't seen it yet. But it's realllllllllly good.
For those who don't understand why the underwater scenes change, the girl, Elena Gilbert, is having flashbacks of when her parents drowned in the car.
a: the quality or state of being human bplural: human attributes or qualities <his work has the ripeness of the 18th century, and its rough humanities — Pamela H. Johnson>
3
plural:
the branches of learning (as philosophy, arts, or languages) that
investigate human constructs and concerns as opposed to natural
processes (as in physics or chemistry) and social relations (as in
anthropology or economics)
JESSICA SAYS:
So I know lately in my posts I have been ranting on about humanity, convictions, emotions, standing up for what you believe in, but it really all ties together. Those who know me personally and have kept up with this blog and my personal life know why I have been reinforcing these ideas in these blog posts (which have generally just been "Jessica Says" ones). I cannot say that I will still feel the same way in time, but part of me hopes that this new attribute (or rather, dug-up attribute) to my personality won't go away. But we'll see. "Turning off" humanity is still an option, though, too, as it probably is for others. Not in a cowardly sort of way, but it just makes things easier if there's sh*t going on in your life. But how can you live if you don't feel anything? But then the retort would be "Well why would I want to/What if I've no reason to?" which I respect all the same. Believe me. Those who know me personally know the details of my words here and how they truly pertain to my life. And I don't judge anyone for choosing to embrace or brush away humanity.
Again, here is my dedication blog post to those who helped me embrace my humanity when I needed to most: Click Here
Below video is a video from YouTube that contains scenes from TVD as well as background music called "Human" by Civil Twilight.
Seriously, this show has the BEST depressing songs. And party songs.
Here's a link to where you can look up all of the songs used on TVD: Click Here!
I'll list a few videos with some of the good depressing songs (who does this?):
Here's another YouTube video of some TVD scenes with the song "All You Wanted" by Sounds Under Radio
Here's one of my favorite and most heartbreaking scenes of TVD during the beginning of Season 3. "This Woman's Work" by Greg Laswell
Another one of my favorite scenes from TVD at Aunt Jenna's funeral. "Skinny Love" cover by Birdy.
"Hate and Love" by Jack Savoretti
"Shelter" by Birdy
"Runnin' Up That Hill" by Placebo
"I Need To Know" by Chris Allen
"Lullaby" by Sia
"A Drop in the Ocean" by Ron Pope
"In Between" by Courier
"Echo" by Jason Walker
"Give Me Love" by Ed Sheeran
"I Was Wrong" by Sleeperstar
"In My Veins" by Andrew Belle
"Guarded" by Kevin Daniel
"Losing Your Memory" by Ryan Star
"Can't Go Back" by Rosi Golan
"Wires" by Athlete
"Down" by Jason Walker
"Holding On and Letting Go" by Ross Copperman
"Make It Without You" by Andrew Belle
"Cut" by Plumb
And because all of those have been depressing, but lovely selections from TVD, here's one of my fav "party" songs:
"Future Starts Slow" by The Kills (Gawd, I love Katerina)
Людство
TO THE READERS:
What do you think about the concept behind humanity and all of the things that makes that up?
Is it easy for you, as it generally is for me (except lately), to "turn off humanity?"
Are you aware that I left a link for you to look up these awesome songs used in TVD? Will you check out the site? You can also find these songs on YouTube, as well.
I am a straightforward person and I certainly don’t mind honestly pointing out things others don’t, shouldn’t, or could—especially in a comical way—about different things in American culture or human nature. Some posts, if not most, will just be my thoughts.
I certainly do my best to remain respectable and appropriate in my posts and comments to my readers, so I obviously expect the same effort in return. I am not here to preach or discipline others, so please do the same.
Please note that these are just my opinions, they are not fact and I will never paint them falsely.
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AD: Jessica Anastasia
xxjessicaSays is first and foremost a composer of music and literature. While browsing this site, please feel free to check out her official professional website that features music samples, discography, literary composition list, photography, sketeches, and updates. Just click on the image and it will lead you to the website.
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